I have had Enough

April 23, 1908

Every where I go I hear my name coming out of others mouths. I am so sick and tired of hear my name, I wish I had a new name so that I can stop hearing the name Dorain. I wish I would of listened to Basil. What I have become is not what I expected. If only I could go back in time to eighteen years ago, before I had ever read that stupid yellow book. I am tired of seeing what I would look like on the inside, through this portrait. I have decided that tomorrow I will distroy the portrait and all my sins will be erased. By tomorrow the new Dorain Gray will be dead and the old me, the real me will live forever. 

Bye bye Hetty and bye bye Alan

April 22, 1908

I have decided to be good, starting with Hetty. I believe that leaving her while she is still pure would be the best thing for her. She reminds me too much of Silval Vane. After saying goodbye to Hetty, Lord Henry tells me that I probably just ruined any chance of her finding love again. So far this whole being "good" thing is not working out. If ruining Hetty was not enough, the death of Alan is. Me blackmailing him caused him so much stress, so much anxiety that he killed himself. My soul is is terrible, it has been bought, and it has been sold. 

R.I.P. James Vane

April 16, 1908

Could it be? That the man that wants me dead is Sibyl's brother. I was just doing my thing at the opium house, when a drunken sailor accuses me of murdering his sister. There was no way that  I was gonna let this man attack me, so I did what I had to do. I told him that there is no way that I could be the same man because I am still youth and pure looking and I could not have been looking the same eighteen years prior to this. The drunken sailor soon realized that I was right. The next day I was with Sir Geoffrey Clouston hunting, when suddenly he thinks he sees James Vane in a window. He ignores it and continues with Sir Geoffrey. When Sir Geoffrey was getting ready to shoot a hare, I told him not too. He ignored me and did so anyways. That was no hare that Sir Geoffrey shot, it was James Vane.

Lady Narborough's Party

April 15, 1908

Today, I surprised even myself. I was actually very calm about everything that had happened. We all know Lady Narborough hates visiting her daughter and son-in-law because she hates the country, but I have found the country to be very peaceful. As wicked as  Lord Henry is, in the eyes of Lady Narborough, he is not stupid. Lord Henry is starting to get suspicious of the strange disappearance of Basil. With this suspicion I decided to just tell Lord Henry what I had done. To my shock, he did not believe me. He said I look to pure to have done something like that and that murder is for the lower class.  The rest of that night was a total blur, I knew that I could not be forgiven for what I had done, so I decided to try something a little different to ease the pain. 

People are so easily Convinced 

April 14, 1908

With the oh so tragic death of my good friend Basil, I can not have people thinking I had anything to do with it. I knew I needed to get rid of the body, but I did not know how. Suddenly, it hit me, Alan Campbell would know how! I sent one of my servents to go and fetch him. I knew he would instantly say no, so I scrapped up some dirt on poor old Alan to where he would have no choice but to say yes. Even after knowing that Alan would say yes, I knew he could not know how Basil really died. So I created a story, I shall tell Alan that I just do not want anything to do with the death of Basil. Once I told Alan this he refused to get rid of the body until I reminded him of something and the look on his face was priceless. He knew he had no chose, but to do what I have asked. 

R.I.P. Basil

April 13, 1908

It has been eighteen years since I last wrote, a lot has changed. I know throw a party once or twice every month. They are the biggest and the best parties around, anyone who is anyone are there. Unfortunately, my once dear friend Basil has died. He has never wanted me to change, but he soon realized I was and he also realized that my appearance has not changed, I still look like I did eighteen years ago. Basil was getting very suspicious, I was hoping that he would never find out about the portrait until, one day he discovered it. He saw how the portrait has changed. He flipped out and he kept on bantering something about me having to repent, whatever that means. He knew too much now, we started arguing when he tripped over his own feet and fell right onto an old art knife. That was the end of Basil and his life. 

My New Favorite Book

April 12, 1890

Today, I received a gift from Lord Henry, it was this yellow book. I started reading it and I was instantly fascinated by it. It was about this man named, Wilde. Wilde seemed as many sensations as he could, regardless of what society said. I could see myself a little in this story. I wanted to do what Wilde did. This book was kind of a guide to the perfect life. I wonder if Lord Henry used this book himself as a guide to the life he has today. 

I Do Love the Opera 

April 11, 1890

The death of my once beloved is tremendously sad, but with the help of Lord Henry I have moved on. Basil is trying to reach out to me, but I do not have time for him. Him and I were supposed to hangout, but I decided to blow him off and hang out with Lord Henry instead. I will admit it, I did love Sibyl, but it is time to move on. I went to the theater with Lord Henry where he introduced me to many young ladies. Basil would not approve of me moving on so quickly, but I do not care what he thinks, he is not my father. Being back at the theater so quickly after Sibyl's death does feel a little weird, especially going there to meet other girls. I am a young, good looking man and I do love the opera. 

There is a Change in Me

April 10, 1890

After breaking the engagement off I noticed something, something different. Could this be? My portrait has changed, not a lot but it has changed. Maybe just maybe my wish has come true, that my portrait will age while I stay young and beautiful.  There was not a drastic change, but there was a bit of cruelty in the mouth. Now I wonder....is what I did to Sibyl so bad that my appearance would have changed without my wish? Basil wants to all of a sudden exhibit the portrait of me, but with the resent change, I did not want Basil to see it. So I hide it in an old schoolroom upstairs in my house, where it could not be found. 

She Used to call me, "Prince Charming"

April 9, 1890

After the play ended I went backstage to tell Sibyl that the engagement was off. She was so shocked and confused. She said that she thought acting was her true love until she met me. I told her that I did not love her anymore, I could see her heart physically breaking in front of me. Lord Henry told me that marriage causes people to be unselfish and unselfish people are colorless. I felt bad later that night. So I planned on sending Sibyl a telegram saying that I was sorry, but before I had had the chance I found out the worst news. Sibyl Vane, my once beloved killed herself, because of me. 

My Love for Her Ends

April 8, 1890

I knew I had to meet her, I was so infatuated with her. So, I went back stage after her amazing performance and introduced myself to her and told her that her and I were going to get married. She did not question it, it was like love at first sight. I could not wait to tell Lord Henry and Basil about the engagement, so I sent them a telegram announcing the engagement. I wanted them to accompany me to the theater to see my beloved. She was the lead in the play, as Juliet. As soon as she walked on stage, I felt my heart break. She was terrible, absolutely terrible. I thought to myself, "Is this what it feels like when love dies?" 

And Then I Saw Her....

April 7, 1890

Today, may have marked the greatest day of my entire life. I was just sitting there in the opera with my now good friend Lord Henry, when the play started and I saw her. A average height, beautiful girl stood before me, her purity was so noticeable as if it were written all over her face. I was instantly attracted to her, I wanted her, I wanted all of her. She was completely breath taking. Every word she spoke, drew me closer and closer to her. I was in love with her and I did not even know her first name. My attraction to her was so strong, I knew I would marry her, even if she did not. 

Is Lord Henry Dangerous?

April 6, 1890

I do not know if I should believe Basil, Lord Henry seems like a good guy. He has influenced me so much and I don't think I would be who I am without his help. Especially, once he found out about the death of my father. Maybe he feels bad for me, maybe he is trying to be like a father figure since I do not have anyone to look up to. Lord Henry does give good advise. He told a Duchess to repeat the follies to remain young, like that is so genius. To live a life with no regrets, is how I want to live. I met Lord Henry's wife today, Victoria. She seems nice, but they do not spend that much time together.

My New Friend, Henry

April 5, 1890

Today, Basil told me that I had a fan, a not so secret admirer named Henry...Lord Henry. Lord Henry loved my portrait, maybe even more than I do. I was told that he has been wanting to meet me for some time now, I wonder why he has not sooner. Lord Henry seemed a little sketchy at first, but I am warming up to him. After hanging out with Lord Henry, I have lost the obsession for my portrait. Lord Henry has opened my eyes and has made me look at things more closely. I will never forget what one of the first things Lord Henry told me and that was, "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it." Basil is starting to annoy me, he keeps on telling me not to fall under Lord Henry's spell, what does that even mean? 

Basil Painted Me 

April 4, 1890

Today, my dear friend Basil painted a portrait of me. It was a beautiful Spring day when the portrait was painted. The landscape really showed off my best features, the way the sun hit my cheek. Basil told me that everyone wants him to exhibit his portrait, but he refuses because he has put too much of himself in it, whatever that means. Personally, I think he should exhibit it, the whole world should be able to see my beautiful face. I think I am Basil's masculine muse. Basil always does his best work when I'm present, I don't know why, but he does. I love this painting so much, all I wish for is to stay this beautiful and for my portrait to age, instead of me.