I have had Enough

April 23, 1908

Every where I go I hear my name coming out of others mouths. I am so sick and tired of hear my name, I wish I had a new name so that I can stop hearing the name Dorain. I wish I would of listened to Basil. What I have become is not what I expected. If only I could go back in time to eighteen years ago, before I had ever read that stupid yellow book. I am tired of seeing what I would look like on the inside, through this portrait. I have decided that tomorrow I will distroy the portrait and all my sins will be erased. By tomorrow the new Dorain Gray will be dead and the old me, the real me will live forever. 

Bye bye Hetty and bye bye Alan

April 22, 1908

I have decided to be good, starting with Hetty. I believe that leaving her while she is still pure would be the best thing for her. She reminds me too much of Silval Vane. After saying goodbye to Hetty, Lord Henry tells me that I probably just ruined any chance of her finding love again. So far this whole being "good" thing is not working out. If ruining Hetty was not enough, the death of Alan is. Me blackmailing him caused him so much stress, so much anxiety that he killed himself. My soul is is terrible, it has been bought, and it has been sold. 

R.I.P. James Vane

April 16, 1908

Could it be? That the man that wants me dead is Sibyl's brother. I was just doing my thing at the opium house, when a drunken sailor accuses me of murdering his sister. There was no way that  I was gonna let this man attack me, so I did what I had to do. I told him that there is no way that I could be the same man because I am still youth and pure looking and I could not have been looking the same eighteen years prior to this. The drunken sailor soon realized that I was right. The next day I was with Sir Geoffrey Clouston hunting, when suddenly he thinks he sees James Vane in a window. He ignores it and continues with Sir Geoffrey. When Sir Geoffrey was getting ready to shoot a hare, I told him not too. He ignored me and did so anyways. That was no hare that Sir Geoffrey shot, it was James Vane.

Lady Narborough's Party

April 15, 1908

Today, I surprised even myself. I was actually very calm about everything that had happened. We all know Lady Narborough hates visiting her daughter and son-in-law because she hates the country, but I have found the country to be very peaceful. As wicked as  Lord Henry is, in the eyes of Lady Narborough, he is not stupid. Lord Henry is starting to get suspicious of the strange disappearance of Basil. With this suspicion I decided to just tell Lord Henry what I had done. To my shock, he did not believe me. He said I look to pure to have done something like that and that murder is for the lower class.  The rest of that night was a total blur, I knew that I could not be forgiven for what I had done, so I decided to try something a little different to ease the pain. 

People are so easily Convinced 

April 14, 1908

With the oh so tragic death of my good friend Basil, I can not have people thinking I had anything to do with it. I knew I needed to get rid of the body, but I did not know how. Suddenly, it hit me, Alan Campbell would know how! I sent one of my servents to go and fetch him. I knew he would instantly say no, so I scrapped up some dirt on poor old Alan to where he would have no choice but to say yes. Even after knowing that Alan would say yes, I knew he could not know how Basil really died. So I created a story, I shall tell Alan that I just do not want anything to do with the death of Basil. Once I told Alan this he refused to get rid of the body until I reminded him of something and the look on his face was priceless. He knew he had no chose, but to do what I have asked. 

R.I.P. Basil

April 13, 1908

It has been eighteen years since I last wrote, a lot has changed. I know throw a party once or twice every month. They are the biggest and the best parties around, anyone who is anyone are there. Unfortunately, my once dear friend Basil has died. He has never wanted me to change, but he soon realized I was and he also realized that my appearance has not changed, I still look like I did eighteen years ago. Basil was getting very suspicious, I was hoping that he would never find out about the portrait until, one day he discovered it. He saw how the portrait has changed. He flipped out and he kept on bantering something about me having to repent, whatever that means. He knew too much now, we started arguing when he tripped over his own feet and fell right onto an old art knife. That was the end of Basil and his life. 

My New Favorite Book

April 12, 1890

Today, I received a gift from Lord Henry, it was this yellow book. I started reading it and I was instantly fascinated by it. It was about this man named, Wilde. Wilde seemed as many sensations as he could, regardless of what society said. I could see myself a little in this story. I wanted to do what Wilde did. This book was kind of a guide to the perfect life. I wonder if Lord Henry used this book himself as a guide to the life he has today.